I am the ex who got fat
I'm the one who never got over it
I'm the "Oh my god you had sex with that?"
Cos my face dropped when he walked he
and he asked "How have you been?"
"Have you put on weight?"
And he must have registered my heartache
Because I smug little smile crossed his face

So being the idiot that I am
I when out and got incredibly hammered
to deal with these emotions
and I wound up in a graveyard with a bottle of buckfast
and I thought to myself

Sittin' on a coffin wishing he were in it
Drunk in a graveyard the reason I'm not really with it
Every ex. every ex should disappear
no family, no new boyfriend, no happiness, no good career

Down in the deepest and darkest valley
They should sit and rot quietly
Never to make a sound, never to make a pip
Nor to be seen above ground or pass me in the street

Because every time they do
I end up say really stupid things
and makes an absolute twat of myself
and I say things like

I'm doing great with you
I'm flight high despite you
I join a gym but I never went
and I got a new love its wise and cigarettes

I'm doing great with you
I'm flight high despite you
I got new job but lose it
and I got a new car but crashed it

un, god what happened next? Oh yeah.

Out of my peripheral vision
I see Garda approaching
Garda one says "Hey are you OK son?"
Garda two says "Hey did you lose someone?"

And in my drunken state
I thought they were referring to ex
and was I "OK" post breakup
and I said to them

I'm doing great with him
I'm flight high despite him
I join a gym but I never went
and I got's a new love its wise and cigarettes

I'm doing great with him
I'm flight high despite him
I got new job but lose it
and I got a new car but crashed it

I'm doing GREAT!
I'm Fuckin' Fuckin' Fuckin' Fuckin' Fuckin' fantastic!

I'm doing FINE!
I'm sexy bitches like oh yes all the time,
now fuck it you nosily ass policeman

So after being chaste around a graveyard
for the bones for 20 minutes
I finally made my escape and woke up the next day
in my moms house
and all I think to myself was
fuck fuck fuck I'm fucked